Phuket, Thailand

 

It may have been the pivotal point in planning our summer trip, foregoing the comforts of western civilization and saying phuck it, at least until I knew how to pronounce it. It just sounded cool. After landing in Bangkok, we were headed south to Bali. But this little island kept calling our names. Maybe it was names or the inexpensive food and accommodations, either way, it was added in our trip. We stayed at a small hotel across the street from the south end of Patong Beach. The hotel, Patong Signature Boutique Hotel offered basic accommodation at a reasonable price. The southern location provided distance from the craziness of Bangla Road.

Unfortunately the rain had us running from bar to bar in hopes of happy hours and cover. Such is the risk one takes traveling in the low season (California Summer).  But we did get to swim from tarp-covered bar to bar, as cats floated by desperately clinging to anything resembling a safe haven. We shuffled along with lighting flashing and thunder pounding. We were summoned by a woman in white lingerie to take refuge under a permanent structure which based upon my initial safety assessment would endure the potential calamity that was sure to follow.

The table was elevated and surrounded by two plush faux leather seats. Under the cover of a skillfully engineered rooftop, we ordered and ate the best spring rolls Phuket has to offer. I tried to convince Alisa the place we were sitting had the best chance of surviving a flood due to the elevation but she wasn't hearing any of it.  Apparently she thought the "come here" summons by lingerie lady was the reason, as if I would place our safety in the hands of a stranger! While we ate, we silently witnessed, as the lighting flashed brighter and brighter, the woman in white lingerie turn into a dude- which I knew all along and tried to convince her about, but once again she was hearing none of it...

If you want to see how theatrical the ladyboys can be, Simon Cabernet has two shows most nights. But if you're bald, be prepared for the interaction with the audience during intermission. Even sitting down, my six foot frame stood out and was ultimately chosen for a PG rated lap dance by one of the larger performers who left a big kiss-print on top of my shiny head.